Because a liz lemon party is mandatory.

Actually, you know what? Go fuck yourself.
Enjoy your new heterosexual relationship you fuck. I hope your mum knows about him and loves when he comes over and you guys can look at each other without freaking out that your family is around. And you can travel with him. And cuddle with him in public. And hold hands. And give each other cute fucking looks at home.
I hope he fucks you over, because you deserve it. Fuck you. This is how i get re-paid. At least I didn't find someone new to date 3 months later.
FUCK YOU. I CAN'T FUCKING STAND YOU, SELFISH PRICK. I HOPE IT'S EVERYTHING THAT I COULDN'T FUCKING GIVE YOU.

Enjoy sucking his dick. I loved you so much but you fucked it up so now i can do whatever i want. Yes i repierced my lip, and i smoke shitloads, and i'm getting a new tattoo, and i'm finally fucking travelling without you to tell me i'm not allowed. I'll be as bitter as i fucking want. You are a conceited bitch.

I will be dropping your things off in the letterbox next week. Get the fuck out of my life completely, please. I can't stand you any longer. You killed me.