Daydreamer nightmarer

I just woke up from the worst dream. And it was telling me to stop writing on this thing because you found it and were really annoyed and were saying "move on, let it go, get over it". I was/still am so embarrassed that you said that, even though it was in a dream, it was as if even being reminded that we dated and that i was still in love with you was annoying and stupid. Like someone holding onto the past memories of you was a waste of their time.

You were rude. You tried to steal my things. You ran off with your friend who i was pretty sure was your girlfriend in my dream. You thought you were better than me. As if because you were able to get over me and move forward you were above me and i was weak and stupid.

You had dark brown hair, for some reason i still had my long brown hair that you said you liked the colour of to fill an awkward gap of silence.

As i write this the memory of the dream is fading rapidly and i'm thankful for it. I won't be able to eat today. I'm losing weight again. I'm happy but scared because its worse than the start of the year.

I'm terribly embarrassed that i write this blog. I seriously hope you dont rediscover it. I can just imagine your face. Youll feel embarrassed for me, want to shut up, tell me to move on and that we were long ago, and i was only ruining myself.

I will hate you if you even try to force me to get over this. My emotions are in my own time. Don't feel anything for me. Do not acknowledge me. Just leave me in peace. Do not tell anybody. Let me deal with this on my own terms, however long that may be. Good for you that you're okay. Have a nice day.